Style

Objectives

Learn to combine sentences
Experiment with various sentence constructions and expand "sentence vocabulary"
Learn to streamline sentences by eliminating unnecessary words
Learn to write with precise, forceful words

Introduction

The word "style" refers to the way writers package their ideas: the words they choose, the arrangement of these words into phrases and sentences, the use of figurative language and allusions. While it is secondary to content in academic writing, it often is the difference between merely adequate writing and interesting, moving, inspiring writing.

Perhaps because it relies on so many factors and has no single set of rules, style is hard to teach and hard to learn--at least consciously. Rather, writers tend to develop their style simply through repeated exposure to language, specifically through writing and reading. Every time you put your thoughts into words, you challenge your mind to find the best means of expression-that is, to sift through all of the possible words, organizational styles, sentence variations, and forms of figurative language stored in its neurons and produce the elements that work in a particular situation. It's a little like playing tennis or basketball, where practice continually forces your body to find solutions to problems. In both mental and physical exercise, you improve because you become aware of new solutions and more adept at using them. For similar reasons, reading will help your writing. Seeing how good writers manage parallels and metaphors makes you more aware of these devices, just as watching Monica Seles charge the net or Michael Jordan drive to the basket exposes you to new possibilities of physical movement. Rarely, of course, are you conscious of any of this development. As Yogi Berra pointed out, "You can't think and hit at the same time." In fact, you probably will find that your writing is improving without knowing why. That's fine. In this case, it is the end and not the means that matters. Nonetheless, it may help to study a few of the most common and effective techniques for writing with style.

Write an effective introduction. A good introduction not only concisely announces the purpose and main points of an essay, but engages readers' attention so that they want to read on. Although almost all good introductions contain these two elements, they achieve them in many different ways. Some introductions contain amusing or striking anecdotes; others tantalize readers with interesting details ; still others merely grab readers because of their lively writing style. Avoid cliches--phrases or approaches that do not engage readers because they already are overused.

Choose the right word. As a speaker of English, you have access to an enormous stock of words. In many cases, a basic English word has dozens of synonyms that allow a writer to express a particular shade of meaning, make use of a powerful connotation, or simply create a desired sound effect. For example, consider these synonyms for "laugh": "cackle," "guffaw," "roar," "giggle," "chuckle," "howl." Here are some tips in choosing words.

Use forceful nouns and verbs:

"Moments later Dick had forgotten his pain. He was shouting with excitement. Otto and his Cowboy were shouting, too. Perry had hooked "a big one." Ten feet of soaring, plunging sailfish, it leaped, arched like a rainbow, dived, sank deep, tugged the line taut, rose, flew, fell, rose. An hour passed, and part of another, before the sweat-soaked sportsmen reeled it in." (Truman Capote)

Keep it simple: "There's old Pete, face like a searchlight. He's fifty yards off to my left, but I can see him plain as though there wasn't any fog at all. Or maybe he's right up close and real small, I can't be sure. He tells me once about how tired he is, and just his saying it makes me see his whole life on the railroad, see him working to figure out how to read a watch, breaking a sweat while he tries to get the right button in the right hole of his railroad overalls, doing his absolute damnedest to keep up with a job that comes so easy to the others they can sit back in a chair padded with cardboard and read mystery stories and girlie books. Not that he ever really figured to keep up--he knew from the start he couldn't do that--but he had to try to keep up, just to keep them in sight. So for forty years he was able to live, if not right in the world of men, at least on the edge of it." (Ken Kesey)

Write concisely. Words are good things. But it cannot be doubted that the careless compounding of words-especially when one decides to compound these words together in one long, rambling sentence construction that loses the reader's attention about half-way through its procession-can try the reader's patience and time in a way counterproductive to the writer's purpose at hand. Use this three-step process to streamline your sentences:

Use prepositional phrases sparingly.

When practical, change "to be" verbs to action verbs and passive constructions to active constructions. Active verbs: "The company's success is dependent on its employees." (verbose); "The company's success depends on its employees." (concise)

Mercilessly cut unnecessary words, including meaningless words at the beginning of a sentence, unnecessary adjectives, and redundancies such as "currently" and "in today's society."

When practical, combine sentences. Combining short sentences helps you not only to make your writing more engaging, but also to clarify the connections among your ideas. Here are some tools you can use to combine sentences:

"and," "but," "or" and similar connecting words (coordinating conjunctions)
"because," "after," "since," "although" and similar connecting words (subordinating conjunctions)
"which," "that," "who," and "whom" (relative pronouns)
re-naming phrases (appositives)
"in," "of," "from," and other prepositions
"including" and "such as" phrases
"-ing" verbs (participles)

Be aware of rhythms in language.You probably have heard someone say that a piece of writing does or does not "flow." While fluidity in writing is tough to characterize and comprises many different elements, one of the chief concerns is rhythm. Because it is made up of stressed and unstressed syllables, as well as long and short sentences and phrases, the English language--like music--has rhythm. Just as in music, some rhythms sound natural and harmonious, while others sound forced or cacophonous. Here are some devices that often lend harmony to a piece of writing.

Parallels:

"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." (Horace Walpole)

Repetition: "If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well." (Martin Luther King, Jr.)

Suspension: "When you are in a contest, you should work as if there were--to the very last minute--a chance to lose it. This is battle, this is politics, this is anything." (Dwight D. Eisenhower)

Carefully placed short sentences: "What are we out at the park for except to win? I'd trip my mother. I'll help her up, brush her off, tell her I'm sorry. But Mother don't make it to third." (Leo Durocher)

Place segments of meaning for emphasis.Using syntax and sentence arrangement, you can highlight a word or phrase to emphasize a point or create a humorous effect.

Within a sentence:

"Even the enduring knock against him [Vice-President Al Gore] that he is wooden has the effect of making him seem, compared with a President who muses about his underwear on MTV, startlingly Presidential." (Peter J. Boyle)

Within a paragraph: "It makes me think of one of the most horrifying scenes in American literature-in F. Scott Fitzgerald's 'The Last Tycoon,' when the studio head tells the writer how to write. And the writer listens." (E.L. Doctorow)

Use figurative language and allusions when appropriate.Used in moderation, figurative language--language that works on a level other than denotative meaning--can bring prose to life. An allusion is a reference to a book, movie, song, building, quotation, or anything with which the writer thinks the reader is reasonably familiar. Because they are based on analogy, allusions often bring a point strikingly into focus. Because they depend on recognition, they also give the reader a feeling of satisfaction. To build your stock of allusions, get in the habit of jotting down quotations and other material that you find insightful or amusing. Read over this list every once in a while. You may be surprised by how easily these items come to mind when you are trying to make a point in speech or writing.

Metaphor:

"O, she is the antidote to desire." (William Congreve)

Imagery: "And suddenly nobody's hooting at him anymore. His arms commence to swell, and the veins squeeze up to the surface. He clinches his eyes, and his lips draw away from his teeth. His head leans back, and tendons stand out like coiled ropes running from his heaving neck down both arms to his hands. His whole body shakes with the strain as he tries to lift something he knows he can't lift, something everybody knows he can't lift." (Ken Kesey)

Allusion: "To say Peanuts is about children is to say Huckleberry Finn is about boating." (Rheta Grimsley Johnson)

Terms

appositive
clause
concision
diction
figurative language
parallels
relative clause
style
subordinate clause
word choice

Suggestions for Practice

Sentences

Sentences obey certain rules. They must have a subject and a verb, for example, and adjectives generally precede the nouns they describe. However, your choices for filling and arranging these different slots are infinite. In fact, sentence variety is an essential element of good writing. By altering the structures of your sentences, you can highlight key words, make connections to previous sentences, and make your writing more interesting. The following exercises can help you to expand your "sentence vocabulary."

"Think Fast": Sentence Variety

Read each of the following sentences. Then try to write five different sentences that communicate the same information.

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

"Think Fast": Sentence Combining
Combine some of the sentences in each of the following passages to make the writing more engaging. In some cases, you may be able to convey all of the information in a single sentence. In others, you may have to use two or three sentences.

We proposed a new quality control program. Our staff decided to name the program "High Q." Employees began implementing High Q on January 1, 1995. By June 1, 1995, customer surveys showed signs of an improved reputation for our product.

We sent questionnaires to 50 UNC students. All of these students were undergraduates, and all were residents of North Carolina. We mailed the questionnaires in June 1995. Within two weeks, we had received 32 responses. We tabulated the results of these responses and charted them. The charts appear on page 26.

On February 4, 1861, several Southern states staged a convention. Delegates from South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Texas came. The convention took place in Montgomery, Alabama. The delegates voted to form the Confederate States of America.

The United States became independent in the Revolutionary War. In doing so, it broke its bonds with England. This separation from the Mother Country had many interesting effects. These include a new cultural identity and a depleted market for some American products.

These fears seem to appear in many different forms. One of those forms is censorship. Censorship has been around since the beginning of time and it is present in every form of communication.

The Internet presents numerous potentional problems to the unwary. Racist propaganda often appears on the Internet. Kids can be corrupted by this propaganda. They also can be corrupted by pornographic material. Such material also appears on the Internet.

Censorship takes place all over America. Cases of censorship have been reported in every state. It affects people of all ages. Many different individuals and groups are responsible for censorship. School boards, teachers, activists, and politicians all play a role.

The history of free speech is a long one. Many historians begin with John Milton's Areopagitica. Milton published this essay in 1644. He was protesting censorship in England. One of the most famous statements on censorship is the First Amendement to the Constitution of the United States. This amendment states: "Congress shall make no law . . . abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press."
"Think Fast": Sentence Imitation
Read the following sentences and note the patterns of their elements. In the space below each one, write a sentence that employs the same pattern.

What separates Poe from the phrenologists, who were right in conceiving of a divided brain but wrong in labeling its parts, is his keen understanding of a particular region of the mind. [subject + relative clause + linking verb + complement]

Poe's ideas about brain components with particular faculties may have originated in his study of phrenology, a "science" founded by the German anatomist and phrenologist Franz Gall in the late eighteenth century. [subject + verb + prepositional phrase + prepositional phrase + appositive]

Speakers of a language can imitate expressions they have heard others make, but more often they creatively produce new forms of expression that are similar to other ones only in their vocabulary and basic structure. [independent clause (subject + verb + object + relative clause) + coordinating conjunction + independent clause (subject + verb + object + relative clause)]

Knowing what I now know about Chomsky's and others' work, I would remove the word "non-instinctive" because some evidence suggests that humans have an innate capacity for language. [participial phrase + subject + verb + object + subordinate clause (subject + verb + noun clause)]

"Think Fast": Streamlining Sentences
Most of the sentences below come from students' papers. Use this process to streamline them. In some cases, you can revise the sentence with proofreaders' marks. In others, you may need to rewrite the sentence.

It has been observed that people look to one side or the other before responding to questions.

The right hemisphere is usually linked to spatial and visual subjects; music, art, and emotion are considered right-brained subjects.

The experiment took precautions so that the subjects would be less likely to be distracted, but it was hard to completely ensure that these precautions were implemented.

In a measure of security the International Arrivals building of Kennedy Airport was filled with extra policemen, assigned to control the crowds.

There were many factors that preceded the Beatles' invasion of America.

The speech was a demonstration of the candidate's commitment to education.

Draft Workshop

As you read the draft in front of you, look for unclear, awkward, or wordy sentences. Using what you have learned about sentences, suggest improvements.

"Think Again"

Now, using what you have learned about sentences, revise some sentences in your own draft. Outside class, read each sentence in your draft and make revisions.

Words

"Think Fast": Word Choice

In each blank, write a precise, vivid synonym for the word or phrase in parentheses.

God's Grandeur
by Gerard Manley Hopkins
The world is (filled) with the grandeur of God.
It will (appear brightly), like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
(Pressed). Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have (walked), have (walked), have (walked);
And all is seared with trade; bleared, (made messy) with toil;
And wears man's (impression) and shares man's smell: the (ground)
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.
And for all this, nature is never (used up);
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, (appears) --
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.
The Day Zimmer Lost Religion
by Paul Zimmer
The first Sunday I missed Mass on purpose
I waited all day for Christ to (descend)
Like a (thin boxer) from the cross and
(Beat) me on my irreverent teeth, to (walk) into
My blasphemous (stomach) and drop me like a
Red hot thurible, the devil (laughing) in
Reserved seats until he got the hiccups.
It was a long cold way from the old days
When cassocked and surpliced I (spoke) Latin
At the old priest and rang his obscure bell.
A long way from the dirty wind that blew
The soot like venial sins across the school yard
Where God (was in charge) as a threatening,
One-eyed triangle high in the fleecy sky.
The first Sunday I missed Mass on purpose
I waited all day for Christ to (descend)
Like the playground bully, the cuts and mice
Upon his face (showing), and (hit) me
Till my irreligious tongue hung out.
But of course He never came, knowing that
I was grown up and ready for Him now.

"Think Fast": Using a Dictionary
Look up one of the following words in your dictionary: ambiguous, ambivalent, diction, hypernym, hiponym, synonym, antonym, enormity, infer, tortuous, chevalier, cassock, cogent, eradicate, decimate, extrapolate, esoteric, errata, cynosure, epiphany, effect. Record or supply the following information:

spelling

pronunciation

part of speech (noun, verb, adjective, etc.)

forms of the word (For example, if the word is a noun, how do you make it plural? If it is a verb, how do you create the past tense?)

usage labels (Is the word peculiar to a particular field, such as biology or music? Is it a slang term?)

meaning (in your own words)

word history (In your own words, explain how the word came into English.)

Use the word's history to devise a trick for remembering its meaning.

Use the word in a sentence.

Draft Workshop

As you read the draft in front of you, look for imprecise or bland words. Using what you have learned about word choice, suggest improvements.

"Think Again"

Now, using what you have learned about word choice, revise some sentences in your own draft. Outside class, read your entire draft and make revisions.